Compulsive Sexual Behaviours

Pile of booksThe term ‘Sex addiction’ seems very present in our lives today, we hear of children accessing pornography at younger and younger ages, a social acceptance that it’s okay to watch porn,”It’s the norm”, “It’s just what we do”.

Yet it seems to be causing so many issues for people that for some, it becomes extremely problematic.  The thing is, it really keys into our innate sense of curiosity and as we get used to seeing what at first may have shocked us, a pop up appears in the corner of the screen, a new exciting image and some are compelled to click, which leads to an escalation of content and a compulsion to carry on viewing. If you are missing out on real life events because of your pornography viewing- it’s a problem. If you find that you are struggling to get or maintain an erection-it’s a problem. If you can’t connect with your partner as your mind is elsewhere- it’s a problem.   If you are lying to your partner to spend more time with the porn- it’s a problem. But it is not just pornography, it’s any compulsive sexual behaviour. 

It is my view that- rather ironically, the compulsive or ‘out of control’ sexual behaviour is an attempted solution.  A solution to something on a deeper level that causes discomfort.  An escape, a place to go to feel in control, alive, excited, not be bored, not have to risk the complexities of an intimate relationship, not to be vulnerable, not to be hurt. Momentary relief from our inner anxieties about ourselves.  The problem is, it is a short term fix with long term consequences.  If this sounds familiar, I can help you explore your relationship with the behaviour so that you can be in control of it, rather than it of you.